So glad to be home now...

Thursday evening I took mom and the boys out to dinner because John was working late. I had gotten very shaky before dinner and just couldn't shake that feeling afterwards. We drove down close to John's work and I went to Walgreens to pick up a glucose meter to check my blood sugar. I left mom in the van with the boys. When I came back out mom was extremely pale and had thrown up. She hands me a bag (yuck) and I went to throw it away. When I came back I looked at her for less than 10 seconds or so and watched her turn blue. Thank God we were about two minutes from the hospital. I get in the van all the while BB is telling me that Grammie threw up because she ate too much. I get her to the hospital (she had gotten a pillow jammed in her door and it wouldn't open) and go into the hospital to get someone to help me get her out. A nurse came out and I told her she would need more help so an EMT helped get the door opened and they rushed her inside.

I get the boys out and we go in to register her. Can I just tell you how much fun I had trying to talk to the receptionist while trying to keep two little boys quiet? Yeah, not working out so well. I called my sister to come over and help me. She got there and took the boys so I could go find out what was going on with mom. I got back there and they started talking about a heart attack and congestive heart failure (CHF). Her blood pressure was 180/90 ish when I got in there so I'm not sure what it was when we first got there. Her blood sugar was over 500. It's now 9:30 and I had to get John. I gave the nurse my number and went to save Cindy from the boys. I get the boys strapped in and Cindy goes into the room with mom. When I got back Kathy (other sister) was there too. John stayed in the van with the boys watching a movie until I was sure they were going to admit mom and we head home.

Long story short, they have radically changed her water intake (she's only allowed 6 cups a day (in the hospital it was only 3.5) and she can't have any salt or sodium. She's on continuous oxygen right now and will be for a while. We're hoping that in a month she can be taken off the oxygen.

Life has just been crazy the past couple days. BB has had one more fit because Grammie hasn't been home. I realized over the past 5 days how attached he really is to her. Each night before we left the hospital he'd pray over her and ask God to "make Grammie's heart better and make her 'breave' better." After he finished his prayer, he decided he could take her home with her. It's such an amazing thing to see God through the eyes of a child. I wish I could find his unquestioning faith.

I feel like I could crash for the next five days.

Vacation

Did anyone have such a difficult time picking a vacation spot the first year you welcomed little ones into your family? We had decided to go to Gatlinburg for a week. It was the easiest thing because we aren't allowed to leave the state with the kids without permission. I also wanted to stay close in case of unexpected court dates. We've been planning this vacation since the beginning of the year. Now I'm having second thoughts. There's not a lot to do in September in Gatlinburg that isn't so super expensive. Now we're thinking about going somewhere else, perhaps getting permission to go out of state. I am thinking the beach, but good grief there are so many decisions. Who knows where we'll end up.

Things are going well with the boys. We have started doing home preschool. The boys are doing well. I am so proud of them. They are so smart. They love all of the new crafts and activities. We've been getting a lot of our craft ideas off of a friend of mine's website. notimeforflashcards.blogspot.com . Mrs. Allie is amazing. The boys love watching the videos she posts and all of the cute songs. They look so cute doing Herman the Worm and Froggies on a Well.

The boys have started helping me make dinner. They look so cute trying to do all of the stuff I do. They really enjoy cooking. I am so glad that they do. They will grow up to make fine husbands that women will be grateful for. What woman doesn't love a man who can cook for her? Just a shout out to my future daughter-in-laws - You're welcome! ;)

Awe Struck

I have heard time and time again, biological moms say, "I fell in love with my child from the moment I laid eyes on him/her. Since the boys came to live with us there have been many challenges and there are times when I wondered what was wrong with me. I didn't have that instant bond with my kids and it really bothered me. Then there was today. We had a pretty good day. That's nothing out of the ordinary, but today was different. As I had two little kids climbing on me, while we were at the nursing home visiting my Aunt Flossie, there was just an overwhelming warmth that surrounded me. It like one moment I felt one way and all of a sudden I fell in love. It reminded me of the song from Cinderella, "So this is love lalalala." I can look at them sometimes and they will melt my heart. Then there are times when they have me cracking up. It's true what they say "Having a baby (child) changes everything!"

That Was Too Easy

Bedtime is always a big terror in this house. We can have a great day - no time outs, tantrums, biting, hitting, etc- and then betime roles around and it's like the boys become possessed. It's insane. It's so bad that the little one normally doesn't fall asleep until about 10:30 - 11. I know that seems extremely late, and it kind of is, but my husband doesn't get home until nearly 8 so for our family it's not THAT late. Anyway, it's 9:17 as I write this and both of the boys are asleep. They didn't fight, scream, cry, or whine! I am so proud of them. Score 1 for Mama and Daddy. I think I am going to go enjoy the quiet for a while.

Until next time,

Lisa

Interesting Day

In 2006 John took his current job. Can I just tell you that, in the almost two years he's been there, we haven't had more than 30 (and that is over estimating a LOT) days off. Sunday is always church and visiting my great aunt, who is now in a nursing home, and Monday is always filled with getting the major stuff done we need to like traveling, shopping, paying bills, etc. After all of this time we finally got a day off together. John took a vacation day today and we relaxed. We went out to lunch and then chilled at home. We didn't get the perfect day at home, and I didn't get the waffles I was promised from someone, no names mentioned, promised me, but it was nice. Life has been so eventful since the boys got here. Sometimes I'm amazed at how we keep going. We certainly don't get enough sleep anymore. The boys are completely worth it though.

I was looking at them today and was thinking back over the past 4 months. First of all, where has the time gone???? It certainly doesn't seem like it's been that long. Anyway, I was looking at the boys and thinking how much they've grown. It's amazing. They are almost completely different boys. They get along better now. They listen more. There aren't as many time outs. It's amazing. We are completely blessed. I never knew that two little humans could completely steal my heart. They are the most amazing people I've ever met. They are constantly teaching me new things.

Update on our journey to ohana

Forever Family

If you have adopted, thought about adopting, or are in the process of adopting this is probably a very familiar phrase. It's a term that we use often to refer to our family. Each night our children say prayers and ask God to make us a forever family. Last week I learned that we are one step closer. TPR is getting closer. As it does it's exciting and scary. It's hard to believe that this step could be in the near future. Wow! Once that happens we will be able to breath a sigh of relief. Of course that's only the beginning as we will have a lot of "red tape" to go through before we get to the finalization, but it looks good right now. It's exciting.

Michael

I normally blog on myspace. I have been trying to post this for two days on myspace, but it's not letting me. I'm posting it here.


My dearest precious Michael,

It's 9:30 here. This time last year I had just made it home and was very excited to hear from Joni with my numbers. Losing you was the furthest thing from my mind. Then I got that call. "I'm sorry" she said. She was very compassionate, but it didn't help. I miss you so much right now. Sometimes I don't understand how life went on and how the world continues to move around me, forcing me to move with it. Daddy had to work today, so when he goes home we will go to visit with you and release your balloons. Watch for them. Your brothers helped pick a couple and Grammie got you one as well.

You are, and always will be, such a part of my life. BB tells me all the time that he misses you. You have that impact on people. Even though they didn't know you then, they can still feel you here. He tells me that he plays with you also. One thing is certain, we all can't wait to get to Heaven so we can hug and kiss you. My world is a better place because you are in it. I am blessed to be your mommy.


GLORY BABY

Glory Baby, You slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened Dear,
You disappeared on us baby, baby
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you Until we're home with you

CHORUS
We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
*We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you*
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it
Cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing, and we know we're stronger people
Through the growing, and in knowing
All things work together for our good
And God works his purposes
Just like he said he would, just like he said he would

I can't imagine Heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know, all you'll ever know

ANGEL

Have you ever met an angel?
Whose smile is like the sun?
Whose laugh is like a melody?
That reaches everyone
Have you ever hugged an angel?
Swept up in their embrace
I swear, there’s nothing
In this world that makes you feel that safe
Have you ever really loved an angel?
Once you have, you’ll never be the same again
Have you ever had to let go of an angel?
Say goodbye, let ‘em fly
My Angel
My best friend
Have you felt the strength of an angel?
When you needed it the most
Lifted by those gentle wings
You know you’re not alone
Every now and then
I feel the peace inside
Wherever life may take me
I’m guided by that light
Have you ever really loved an angel?
Once you have, you’ll never be the same again
Have you ever had to let go of an angel?
Say goodbye, let ‘em fly
My Angel
My best friend
‘Cause I have really loved an angel
(And I will never be the same again) How could I ever be the same?
‘Cause I have had to let go of my angel
Say goodbye (goodbye) let ‘em fly (let ‘em fly)
My angel
My best friend


PRECIOUS CHILD


In my dreams, you are alive and wellPrecious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bellPrecious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live onAlways there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grievePrecious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still
In my heart you live onAlways there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you, See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart


WITH HOPE

This is not at all
How we thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We has so many dreams
But now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you
And we can cry with hope
We can say good-bye with hope
'Cause we know our good-bye is not the end
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again
And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father smile and say 'well done.'
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now your home
And now your free
Chorus
We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true
Chorus
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

Homesick


You're in a better place,
I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times
I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken,
the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now