Open Adoptions

Our journey to forever has been different with Jewel-Anne. I feel different toward this girl more than I do the boys birth parents. Please don't get me wrong - there are times when I watch my daughter struggle with something that I want to find her and smack her for what she put my daughter through. Did she make the best choices? Obviously not! She is trying to make the right choices for our daughter now. Our birth mom has asked for an open adoption. My husband and I are having some really tough discussions right now and having to weigh the options that are best for our child. Do we want her to have contact? How much contact? What are the conditions? The ultimate question is what is best for our daughter?

The answers to these questions are different for each person, each child, each situation. The boys birth parents asked for contact. We told them that as long as they got their act together and didn't put our children in harms way we would be ok with some form of contact. Unfortunately things haven't worked out for that to happen. They are still in the cycle of blaming everyone else for their problems instead of taking responsibility for their actions. With Jewel-Anne, her birth mother seems to have realized that SHE is responsible for where she is in life and I think that makes a big difference. We still haven't had the judification trial so things are still in her court.

I will admit that I struggle with things. This journey isn't just difficult pre-adoption but also post-adoption. I want to sympathize with these parents. What would it be like to lose your child? What would I do if I were in their position? The truth of the matter is that these parents get more than enough time to get their act together. What about being Jesus to the world though? Again, what is best for my children? Right now it isn't best for either set to have contact, IMO. It's been almost 3 years since my boys entered custody and I doubt that they will ever be able to have a relationship with their birth parents. I hope that when they turn 18 and can make their own decisions that they make the right ones. I hope they don't buy into the lies of their birth parents. Jewel-Anne's mother seems to realize that she "can't" (i.e. isn't ready to) do what she needs to so she is making the decision that is best for her daughter.

These parents will always have my appreciation because no matter how screwed up they are - they are the reason I have my children. I pray that they will turn their lives over to Christ and experience the freedom that He gives. I am hoping that Birth Mom can become the person Christ has called her to be. I wish her the best because HE has called me to extend forgiveness. It's not easy but my anger will not hurt just her...it hurts me...most of all it hurts my daughter. I need to think clearly and not out of my own emotions.

(Can you tell I'm still all over the place?) If you are an adoptive/foster adoptive parent can you please share your experiences with open adoptions? Thanks!

A Long But Good Day

Each year we are required to complete a certain amount of training to be foster parents. When mom passed away we got behind in our training hours so now we have a ton of catching up to do. We took a class last Thursday and then we had one this morning.

We are NOT morning people. My kids sleep until 7-8 most mornings (sometimes later). Jewel-Anne would sleep longer if the boys weren't so loud. This morning we had to be up at 6. We got the kids ready and took them to my sisters. Landon stayed with Aunt Kathy and Jewel-Anne and Sam went to Aunt Cindy. They had a blast.

We finally get to our class. There were almost 30 people in the class. The class seemed to take forever. Everyone wanted to question the instructor (a former DCS worker) about problems they were having that were completely unrelated to class material. I try to understand where these people are coming from because I have a talker for a husband. I will give the instructor credit because he tried to get everyone to stay on topic.

We went to pick the kids up then we had lunch with my sister (Aunt Kathy). Landon dumped his soda all over himself and Aunt Kathy. Sam was very snuggly. I think he missed me. Jewel-Anne tried to eat everyone's food. She's such a big girl! It is so hard to believe that she's almost a year old.

I am so blessed. I have a husband who is such a great provider for his family. 3 years ago wondered if I'd ever have earth children. In one year's time we were blessed 3 beautiful children. I am so thankful for God "showing out" in ways that we never expected.

All three kids are sleeping so I'm going to go now. I am tired. John is getting ready to pull week of OT. Thankfully it's just for a week. I'm going to sleep time with him and then go to sleep.

Night all!

The next step

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows, like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say
It is well with my soul.

These lyrics (and others) have been going through my head for the past month. We are coming to a crossroads in our family life where we are having to make some major decisions. I have struggled with trusting God. I have become arrogant thinking that these decisions were mine (or mine and John's) to make when that is not the case at all. These decisions are the Lord's to make, for HE is the giver and taker of all.

When we got the boys we knew that they were an adoptive placement. They weren't eligible for adoption (and wouldn't be for another year) but DCS knew that the parents weren't going to get their act together. We were blessed and spoiled. Please don't get me wrong. The journey to forever was a very long, emotional one. Still we had the assurance that in the end they would be ours. We were listed to only take infants after the boys because of our house size. We figured we'd have a nice long break because EVERYONE wants infants. Little did we know what God had in store for us. A mere fortny days later we got the call about Jewel-Anne. We were so excited, but at the same time it was so emotional. I went through "post-partum" depression. I was scared to death that I would get attached and they would rip her from me. I remember sitting on the floor of the living room holding and rocking her and sobbing. I looked at John and asked him what we were thinking.

I have always gotten very attached to the kids I care for. I did when I was babysitting as a teenager and I do now. I was in love with my kids before I laid eyes on them. My husband and I were blessed with three precious angels who were taken back to Heaven sooner than we liked. I have had many people ask me "What are you going to do when you have to give them back? I always tell them the same thing. "I don't know, but I know I serve a God who is the Healer of broken hearts." That sounds good in theory but it's hard to live by sometimes. No one WANTS to get their heart broken. I have talked to our case worker about where to go from here. We have considered taking adoptive only placements, but those do not come by often. We would love to have another infant at some point and that would be nearly impossible with adoptive only on our file. I have talked to John and a dear friend of mine who just "graduated" from foster care. Her family is complete. She had to give one child back also. In hearing her story the term "Beauty for Ashes" came to my mind. She told me that God was working behind the scenes because in the midst of her grief of losing this child God blessed her with two more.

"The will of God won't lead you where the grace of God can't keep you." The Martins

This verse has been on my mind since my mom went to Heaven. Surely enough, HIS grace has carried me through valleys and trials that I didn't think I was strong enough to get through. Do you know what I found out? I wasn't strong enough to get through those trials. GOD was more than enough. GOD supplied all my needs. He was my El Shadi. He always looked out for me! When I wasn't strong enough HE was my strength. And you know what? My Bible tells me that HE is the same TODAY as he was yesterday. HE will be the same tomorrow! He has called us to this ministry and HE will see us through it. John and I have talked about it and we have decided to trust God and see where he takes us. We have been painting this weekend. The boys' room is almost finished. The nursery is ready for furniture. We will put the crib in there tonight (we have a twin bed if we need it).

"You may be scared to death, but I won't let you go..." 33 miles

I am asking all of my friends to keep us in your prayers as we take this next step. Please pray that God's will is done no matter what we want. I have always said that it's truly not about us. It's not about how we feel or what we think. Our mission is to help these kids know they are loved by us and that GOD cares for them. Sometimes we get selfish and self-absorbed. It is now time to renew our strength and ready ourselves for the next chapter in our lives. Thank you all for the love, prayers, and support you have given us for the last three years. It has carried us through more than even we know.

Lisa