The Story of Our Ohana

John and I had 3 miscarriages (Madison, Elijah and Michael) before becoming foster parents. Our home study had been approved a mere 2 minutes before we found out that our boys were being placed with us. In fact it was in the same call. They were with family so they arrived two days later. They arrived in March 2008. Sam (now 6) and Landon's (now 4) adoption took place on April 2, 2009 (Landon's Birthday).

Less than two weeks later we got the call about our first infant placement. John sped home from work and got pulled over at the end of our street. He explained what was going on and the cop let him go. We still laugh about it. Jewel-Anne (named after my mom who passed away 4 months before baby was born) She was placed with us two days after Mother's Day that year. Her adoption took place in April of this year. She is now 16 months. It brought me comfort to know that mom left when she did so she could spend some time with her granddaughter since she wouldn't have time with her here.

Little did we know what was in store for us. 11 days before Jewel-Anne's adoption we had a visit with our case worker. I was teasing her telling her that exactly 40 days after the boys adoption we got Jewel-Anne so if she could manage to do that again I would take it as a good sign.

Later that evening a got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. Even as a foster parent I don't tend to answer calls from strange numbers but I did and it was our case worker telling me she had an infant girl she wanted to place with us. I thought she was joking. I told her that I wanted to talk to John and I would call her right back. I called and he didn't answer so I called her back and said bring her on. He'll just have a nice surprise when he gets home. There weren't a lot of details on her and our case worker had her age wrong but it turns out she was only 6 weeks younger than Jewel-Anne. Minnie Mouse was so quiet and reserved. She didn't cry all weekend long. We had to guess if she was hungry. Everyone was telling us how blessed we were that she was so calm but it really just broke my heart. Babies are supposed to cry to get their needs met. It takes a lot to get a child to the point that they won't cry for anything. John took Friday off and went to work on Monday. I was in the middle of giving baths when he left and she started crying and cried until everyone's baths were finished. I am happy to report that she found her voice pretty quickly and had such a little dainty, controlling personality. She hates getting dirty/messy, but she loves to tattle on her brothers if they are misbehaving! When we went to court we found out Birth Mom was pregnant again so we temporarily put our home on hold so we wouldn't get anymore (we could only take one more infant) until the baby arrived.

On May 14th we received the call about Mickey Mouse. He was one week old when he came home with us. We were so excited. He is now 3 months old and we are waiting for the parents rights to be terminated and be able to adopt them too.

So we have 8 kids Madison (angel), Elijah (angel), Sam (6), Landon (4), Michael (angel), Jewel-Anne (15 mos), Minnie (14mos) and Mickey (3 mos). I have 3 under 16 mos! It gets crazy sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way. We prayed for a long time that God would bless us with even one child. Apparently he likes to show off! ;)

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Legacy of an Adopted Child Poem:
Once there were two women, who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, the other taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotion, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears
One sought for you a home, that she could not provide
The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied
And now you ask me through your tears,
The age-old question unanswered through the years
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love.
Author-Unknown

Candidly Speaking

I need to speak candidly for a moment. I need to share my heart and this my page so I have that right. I realize that God has called us to the uikollpnique position of being foster parents. My kids were delivered through another woman's body. The act of creation wasn't between myself and my husband but that another couple. HOWEVER, I can look at my children (ALL OF THEM) and see pieces of my husband, myself and our family in each child. I know, without a doubt that these children were meant to be ours and before they were born God had chosen us to be their mommy and daddy.

However, I am slowly learning that there are people that I can't confide in. There are people that I can't share my beliefs with. I realize that I am "carrying" another woman's child. The Christ within me recognizes that people deserve a second chance. God bless them. However, the Bible also is very clear about how God feels about child abusers. I believe he is loving and forgiving toward them if they seek repentance from HIM and also that child. However, if they don't I also believe there is a special, extra warm place for them in hell.

I have been in the position of giving up a child before. Some of you who have known me a long time have heard me share my story about DeShaun. Granted, it wasn't an adoption situation and I was just the "babysitter." I had that child more than his own Mama for the first 5 years of his life. When he started school I still had him on the weekends. There came a point where his mother started to become a better mother and took interest in her child. I was so thankful because if he was going to live with her that is what she needed to do. However, there was a point where she wouldn't even pick up her child for three weeks at a time. I loved him with wreckless abandoned because I don't know how to love any other way. I gave him what he needed and I don't regret it.

With all of that being said...NO ONE knows the whole story of my children and no one knows what is best for them except God. The experience I have had with birth parents (including D's mom) is that children are more of a "trophy" for them. No matter how much they screw up at least their kids are awesome kids. It's the one thing they did right. I get that, but that is so incredibly selfish. I realize some people would say that is exactly what I am being by wanting to take these kids. Yes, you are right...but the kids are getting what they need. I know without a doubt that I am what is best for 3/4 of my kids and I believe I am what is best for MM too. If I didn't I wouldn't be doing this. My Father is the only one who knows what the future holds. The birth parents I have worked with have no concern for their kids until they get in front of the judge. Then they want to play parent of the year. So is the life.

You can feel about me how you will. Think what you will. I went through this with the boys and Jewel-Anne. I was called many unkind things for wanting to adopt these children because they "belonged" to their birth parents. Unless you have been a foster parent you do no know what is like to have my life. You don't know what it's like to have absolutely no certainty whether someone is going to come in and take your kids when YOU did nothing wrong. You love and you give all that you have and yet it's always in the back of your mind.

I once read something about birth parents that said that WE (the FP, dept, anyone in DCS's authority) don't have to tell the birth parents what they did wrong because THEY know that they have done wrong whether they admit it or not. I petition to you (my non foster parent friends) to realize that you don't have to tell us (foster parents) that we will get our hearts broken, that these are not our kids, maybe they would be better off with their birth parents, etc. When we signed up to be foster parents we knew the risks. We knew that we could get our hearts broken. We do NOT need a constant reminder. I also challenge you to understand that there are details that cannot be shared so for someone to make comments about the birth parents being best for the children, you wouldn't make that assumption if you knew what we knew. These comments are hurtful. I have had people tell me "going HOME is what is best for these children." FINALLY WE AGREE ON SOMETHING! You are absolutely right! I couldn't agree with you more. HOME is the best place for them. My children ARE home!

When I have asked people to pray for our current situation I haven't asked you to do anything you aren't comfortable. I haven't asked you to pray we get to keep MM, but simply that God would protect her. And I know he will. I have had a few days to process and gather myself. I realize that GOD is in control. I have a deep peace about the situation now. This happened with each one of our kids. They "almost" went home. BUT GOD!! GOD knows what is best. "For I know the plans I have for you..." "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." He wrote the life plans. He knows the plans he has for HIS DAUGHTER! He knew that she would come into our lives. I have to live my life believing that this will last a lifetime. That's what HOPE is. That is what FAITH is! I understand this line of thinking isn't for everyone, but it's all I know.

So again I ask, those of you who feel led to pray - we appreciate it. I KNOW that it's the prayers of God's saints that has brought us this far. Please pray as the Holy Spirit guides you. WE are praying that we get to keep her. I am not asking that of you though. If you don't feel led to pray that way then please don't. If you think we're crazy and don't wish to pray for us at all that is fine too. All I am asking is that you be sensitive in your speech and actions to us (and those like us) who have been called to do one of the hardest things in life. Thank you.

Side note: This was not "birthed" from one person's comments but the comments of a few people.

Side note 2: I realize there are some awesome birth parents out there who knew from the moment of conception that they weren't ready to be parents. There are those who tried and couldn't make it and willing gave their children to loving couples who could carry their children for them. My hat is off to you a million times over. I also want to acknowledge that there are birth parents who get their children taken away and that alone is enough to wake them up and make them get their life straight. Again, my hat is off to you. You are one of the elite of DCS families. I praise GOD that you did what was best for your child. There are way too many selfish birth parents out there who put many things above their children. YOU are not who I am talking about. I have never had the privilege of working with someone like you. I would like to think that I would feel differently, just as I did with DeShaun. As foster parents we love these children like our own. We fill your shoes when you can't. We want what is best for these children. Our hearts may break when they leave, but we rejoice with you in your success.

The Waiting Child

The Waiting Child by Debbie Bodie

I saw you meet your child today
You kissed your baby joyfully
And as you walked away with her
I played pretend you'd chosen me.
I'm happy for the baby, yet
Inside I'm aching miserably
I want to plead as you go by,
"Does no-one want a child of three?"
I saw you meet your child today
In love with her before you met
And as I watched you take her out
I knew it wasn't my turn yet.
I recognize you from last year!... See More
I knew I'd seen your face before!
But you came for a second babe.
Does no-one want a child of four?
I saw you meet your child today
But this time there was something new
A nurse came in and took MY hand
And then she gave my hand to you.
Can this be true?
I'm almost six!
And there are infants here, you see?
But then you kissed me and I knew
The child you picked this time was me.
Copyright 1997

He's Sending Miracles Down Our Way

Thursday, March 11, 2010 we got another surprise of our lives. Once again we defied the odds and received another infant placement. Our future with Minnie Mouse is uncertain, but we are standing in faith and praying that this is going to be forever.

Thursday I decided to stay home with the kids because we had our case worker coming out that morning. I usually drive John to work just in case something happens so I would be able to get places if need be. John and I had been joking that week that the day I finally decided to stay home and rest that we would get "the call" because that is exactly how things happened with Jewel-Anne. The case worker finally arrived and she did her thing. She always stays to talk a bit. Walking into my house is like walking into the circus. You won't get out quickly because you just HAVE to hold the baby and the boys HAVE to give hugs and talk your ear off. Before she left I told her that she needed to work on getting us a placement on day 40 post adoption because it was exactly 40 days after the boys adoption that we got the call for Jewel-Anne. She laughed and left.

The kids and I went about our day. This was an overtime night for John. We had just finished dinner and the boys were watching Mulan (the current disney fav in this house) when I received a phone call from a cell number I didn't recognize. I answered the phone with that "Who are you and why are you calling me" hello. The lady answered and said "Hello, this is A. I was wondering if you were up for another baby." It was our case worker. The Dept had very little information on the baby. A told me she was a year old, gave me her name and said that the on call case worker would call. I asked her to give me a couple minutes to ask John. I knew it would be ok, but I didn't want to just be like "Surprise honey we have another baby!" when he came home from work. He didn't answer so I called her back and told her we would take Minnie Mouse. John finally called me back and then rushed home. I told him to cancel his OT but he came home an hour early anyway. Both John and Minnie Mouse arrived about 30 seconds apart.

John took the kids into the boys room while we filled out paper work. MM sat on a blanket in the floor and I made the comment that she was moving around good for a year old. The case worker told me she was only 8 months. She asked me if that would be a problem. Um, like I'm going to turn down this blessing?? Of course it wasn't a problem. Once the case worker left John let the boys out. They spent a couple minutes with her and then I made them go into the hallway where they could see her. We put Jewel-Anne in the floor. They stared at each other for a couple minutes. Jewel-Anne seen the paci laying next to MM so she crawls over, spits her paci out and pops MM's paci in her mouth and sits up to stare at her again. About 3 minutes later Jewel-Anne crawled on top of her and that was the end of the peacefulness in my house! LOL MM was crying and then Jewel-Anne started crying. Sam didn't go to sleep at all that night. By 5:00 he had woke Landon and by 5:30 Landon was crawling into the crib with MM. It was a long day.

Today was my first day with all 4 by myself and it was a little crazy. We're still trying to get into a routine. I have decided we're having spring break this week while we get adjusted. The boys are completely in love. They take turns showering the girls with attention. Jewel-Anne absolutely loves her. I was sure we would have a problem because she has been the baby all of her life and she doesn't like sharing Mama with anyone, but she's doing great.

Today's challenge was giving the girls a bath. Sam had therapy this morning so they didn't get one before John left. The girls screamed for 45 minutes while I bathed and dressed them. I gave Jewel-Anne her bath first and MM screamed. MM doesn't like her bath but the boys put toys in her bath so she calmed down until I washed her hair. The screaming continued.

I was finally able to get them settled so I could rock Jewel-Anne to sleep. I got her to sleep and laid her on the blanket next to me and rocked MM to sleep. She fell asleep and I called my sister to brag about my accomplishment (something I would normally do with mom but that's not possible now). I hadn't much more than gotten off the phone until Jewel-Anne set straight up. Once she noticed MM was asleep she started trying to tickle MM's feet to wake her up! LOL

We got Jewel-Anne's first case worker back. I really like him. He spent a few minutes here. He tried to hold each of the girls and both of them screamed when took them from me. He told me I already had MM spoiled. She didn't cry when she first got her. She wouldn't cry when she was hungry, dirty, or sleepy. She still doesn't cry like she should, but Jewel-Anne is teaching her how to properly pitch a fit! (Anyone have a spare set of ear plugs?)

So now we wait. We already love this child. We are praying and standing in faith that we get to keep her. We only ask that if you feel led, please stand in faith with us and pray that she gets to stay forever. We truly do want God's will for her and if it's not us then God will heal our hearts, but we are expecting miracles!

Lisa

Life

It has been a long time since I posted a blog. I used to write a lot before Mom passed away, but I can't seem to get back into the swing of things. I have so much I want to say, but have a hard time putting those thoughts into words. When I can, life is so busy that I have trouble finding time to sit and write when the mood hits. I would really like to start blogging more.

Everyone is doing well. John is still in school. If he does well in these classes this will be his last semester for his associates degree. He will be eligible for a promotion then (if it's still available). He will be starting ETSU in August to get his bachelor's degree in Computer Programming. I am very proud of him. He has worked very hard for this. He goes to work full time and until last semester was going to school full time also.

Sam is doing great in school. We are still working on reading but he's excelling in all other areas. I'm not sure if I posted on here or not, but he completed his kindergarten work right after Christmas so he's now a first grader! I have had a lot of people ask me if we will continue homeschooling. The answer is yes! Life is often crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I can't imagine all of the things I would miss if I sent him to public school.

Landon is doing wonderful. We have some behavioral issues in both children, but I'm hoping that spring will help these pass. Landon has really started to bond with his sister and that makes me so happy. It only took 6 months. When we started to talk about the adoption Landon said "Mom, you said that we weren't going to get to keep her! It's time to send her back because you lied!" (When we got the call for Jewel-Anne we told the boys that we didn't know if we were going to get to keep her.)

Jewel-Anne is becoming so animated now. She babbles all the time. Birth mom signed her rights away earlier this month. Tonight at midnight her time to change her mind will expire. Next week we will have our last perm plan meeting and meet with the adoption specialist. We are in the hurry up and wait stage. Hopefully next week we will have an adoption date.

Bad Guys

Landon: "but what if the bad guys shoot you?"
Sam: "They can't. I.'ve got God with me and I'm ready to roll!"

Open Adoptions

Our journey to forever has been different with Jewel-Anne. I feel different toward this girl more than I do the boys birth parents. Please don't get me wrong - there are times when I watch my daughter struggle with something that I want to find her and smack her for what she put my daughter through. Did she make the best choices? Obviously not! She is trying to make the right choices for our daughter now. Our birth mom has asked for an open adoption. My husband and I are having some really tough discussions right now and having to weigh the options that are best for our child. Do we want her to have contact? How much contact? What are the conditions? The ultimate question is what is best for our daughter?

The answers to these questions are different for each person, each child, each situation. The boys birth parents asked for contact. We told them that as long as they got their act together and didn't put our children in harms way we would be ok with some form of contact. Unfortunately things haven't worked out for that to happen. They are still in the cycle of blaming everyone else for their problems instead of taking responsibility for their actions. With Jewel-Anne, her birth mother seems to have realized that SHE is responsible for where she is in life and I think that makes a big difference. We still haven't had the judification trial so things are still in her court.

I will admit that I struggle with things. This journey isn't just difficult pre-adoption but also post-adoption. I want to sympathize with these parents. What would it be like to lose your child? What would I do if I were in their position? The truth of the matter is that these parents get more than enough time to get their act together. What about being Jesus to the world though? Again, what is best for my children? Right now it isn't best for either set to have contact, IMO. It's been almost 3 years since my boys entered custody and I doubt that they will ever be able to have a relationship with their birth parents. I hope that when they turn 18 and can make their own decisions that they make the right ones. I hope they don't buy into the lies of their birth parents. Jewel-Anne's mother seems to realize that she "can't" (i.e. isn't ready to) do what she needs to so she is making the decision that is best for her daughter.

These parents will always have my appreciation because no matter how screwed up they are - they are the reason I have my children. I pray that they will turn their lives over to Christ and experience the freedom that He gives. I am hoping that Birth Mom can become the person Christ has called her to be. I wish her the best because HE has called me to extend forgiveness. It's not easy but my anger will not hurt just her...it hurts me...most of all it hurts my daughter. I need to think clearly and not out of my own emotions.

(Can you tell I'm still all over the place?) If you are an adoptive/foster adoptive parent can you please share your experiences with open adoptions? Thanks!

A Long But Good Day

Each year we are required to complete a certain amount of training to be foster parents. When mom passed away we got behind in our training hours so now we have a ton of catching up to do. We took a class last Thursday and then we had one this morning.

We are NOT morning people. My kids sleep until 7-8 most mornings (sometimes later). Jewel-Anne would sleep longer if the boys weren't so loud. This morning we had to be up at 6. We got the kids ready and took them to my sisters. Landon stayed with Aunt Kathy and Jewel-Anne and Sam went to Aunt Cindy. They had a blast.

We finally get to our class. There were almost 30 people in the class. The class seemed to take forever. Everyone wanted to question the instructor (a former DCS worker) about problems they were having that were completely unrelated to class material. I try to understand where these people are coming from because I have a talker for a husband. I will give the instructor credit because he tried to get everyone to stay on topic.

We went to pick the kids up then we had lunch with my sister (Aunt Kathy). Landon dumped his soda all over himself and Aunt Kathy. Sam was very snuggly. I think he missed me. Jewel-Anne tried to eat everyone's food. She's such a big girl! It is so hard to believe that she's almost a year old.

I am so blessed. I have a husband who is such a great provider for his family. 3 years ago wondered if I'd ever have earth children. In one year's time we were blessed 3 beautiful children. I am so thankful for God "showing out" in ways that we never expected.

All three kids are sleeping so I'm going to go now. I am tired. John is getting ready to pull week of OT. Thankfully it's just for a week. I'm going to sleep time with him and then go to sleep.

Night all!

The next step

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows, like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say
It is well with my soul.

These lyrics (and others) have been going through my head for the past month. We are coming to a crossroads in our family life where we are having to make some major decisions. I have struggled with trusting God. I have become arrogant thinking that these decisions were mine (or mine and John's) to make when that is not the case at all. These decisions are the Lord's to make, for HE is the giver and taker of all.

When we got the boys we knew that they were an adoptive placement. They weren't eligible for adoption (and wouldn't be for another year) but DCS knew that the parents weren't going to get their act together. We were blessed and spoiled. Please don't get me wrong. The journey to forever was a very long, emotional one. Still we had the assurance that in the end they would be ours. We were listed to only take infants after the boys because of our house size. We figured we'd have a nice long break because EVERYONE wants infants. Little did we know what God had in store for us. A mere fortny days later we got the call about Jewel-Anne. We were so excited, but at the same time it was so emotional. I went through "post-partum" depression. I was scared to death that I would get attached and they would rip her from me. I remember sitting on the floor of the living room holding and rocking her and sobbing. I looked at John and asked him what we were thinking.

I have always gotten very attached to the kids I care for. I did when I was babysitting as a teenager and I do now. I was in love with my kids before I laid eyes on them. My husband and I were blessed with three precious angels who were taken back to Heaven sooner than we liked. I have had many people ask me "What are you going to do when you have to give them back? I always tell them the same thing. "I don't know, but I know I serve a God who is the Healer of broken hearts." That sounds good in theory but it's hard to live by sometimes. No one WANTS to get their heart broken. I have talked to our case worker about where to go from here. We have considered taking adoptive only placements, but those do not come by often. We would love to have another infant at some point and that would be nearly impossible with adoptive only on our file. I have talked to John and a dear friend of mine who just "graduated" from foster care. Her family is complete. She had to give one child back also. In hearing her story the term "Beauty for Ashes" came to my mind. She told me that God was working behind the scenes because in the midst of her grief of losing this child God blessed her with two more.

"The will of God won't lead you where the grace of God can't keep you." The Martins

This verse has been on my mind since my mom went to Heaven. Surely enough, HIS grace has carried me through valleys and trials that I didn't think I was strong enough to get through. Do you know what I found out? I wasn't strong enough to get through those trials. GOD was more than enough. GOD supplied all my needs. He was my El Shadi. He always looked out for me! When I wasn't strong enough HE was my strength. And you know what? My Bible tells me that HE is the same TODAY as he was yesterday. HE will be the same tomorrow! He has called us to this ministry and HE will see us through it. John and I have talked about it and we have decided to trust God and see where he takes us. We have been painting this weekend. The boys' room is almost finished. The nursery is ready for furniture. We will put the crib in there tonight (we have a twin bed if we need it).

"You may be scared to death, but I won't let you go..." 33 miles

I am asking all of my friends to keep us in your prayers as we take this next step. Please pray that God's will is done no matter what we want. I have always said that it's truly not about us. It's not about how we feel or what we think. Our mission is to help these kids know they are loved by us and that GOD cares for them. Sometimes we get selfish and self-absorbed. It is now time to renew our strength and ready ourselves for the next chapter in our lives. Thank you all for the love, prayers, and support you have given us for the last three years. It has carried us through more than even we know.

Lisa