Our Journey to Forever

Our Journey to Forever

June 28th, 2007 we found out that we were pregnant with our third child and ended up miscarrying all three times. This time was different . I had always taken my miscarriages hard, but this one was especially difficult. It seemed like God had opened the Heavens and answered all of our prayers in one simple little BFP. Four days later we found out that wasn’t the case and that we had lost another baby. I grieved harder for our lost blessing than I ever had before. John and I had already been talking about becoming foster parents with the hopes of adopting, but I couldn’t give that any thought. All I wanted to do was lay down and die. I didn’t understand how a God who loved me so much could allow me to hurt so badly.

At the beginning of 2007 we talked about adoption and said that if we hadn’t gotten pregnant by January 2008 that we would look into the PATH classes required for foster parents. By October I really started considering this opinion again. We had always said that we became parents when we were pregnant with Madison and just because we lost her didn’t mean that we weren’t parents. I knew that we both wanted to be “earth parents.” John was just there along for the ride because he didn’t want to hurt me. He didn’t want to pressure me into doing something I wasn’t ready for. We talked and talked and talked. We finally made the call and were sent our application packet. We filled it out and sent it back in.

Because Mom lived with us she had to attend classes with us. Looking back, I am so glad she did. Each week I took John to work and then she and I would pick him up from work. We all crowded into this tiny room with about 12 other couples. We all had the same goal – we wanted to help children. I was amazed how many young couples were in our class. Many of them had fertility issues as well. In the middle of our training our case worker (A) came out to meet with us and get us started in the home study process. All of our classmates were very surprised that things were happening so quickly for us because many hadn’t even heard from their worker yet and we’d already had two visits with ours. I remember our trainer telling us that they must have a placement in mind for us already.

We finished our classes and our home study about the same time. Our last class was February 26th. At this point our case worker had to really get in there and get down to business. They had to go back 5 years to do our background checks. Unfortunately, we had lived in GA for 6 months in 2003. She called Worth County who told them they couldn’t give her the info. I called them and they told me the same thing. She had spent weeks trying to get this info and here we were on the tail end of it. A came back out on March 3rd and told us that they still weren’t able to get the info but they had a placement in mind for us so she was going to try to get her supervisor to approve us anyway. She left telling me that she was going back to the office and would get us approved and would call me later that day. She hadn’t been gone 30 minutes by when she called me to tell me her supervisor was out of the office but she was still working on it. 15 minutes later she calls back to tell me she got another supervisor to sign off on it and we were approved. She tells me that Placement would be calling me shortly to talk to us about our placement.

Placement called me and told me that the boys had some behavior issues and that Sam was on medication for his behaviors. I found out later that week that it was so bad that both Sam and Landon got kicked out of daycare the Monday we were approved and we almost didn’t get the boys. I said tons of prayers and praise because I knew that God was in the middle of this. T, the boys case worker called me to talk to me. She also gave me Aunt Janet’s number so I could talk to her. Everyone told me that this was going to be an adoptive placement so if we weren’t interested in adopting we needed to speak up now. Of course we wanted to adopt. We were told that it would be an open and shut case because the birth parents were nowhere to be found and hadn’t seen or talked to the boys in forever. The boys had been in her care for the last year so she was a huge help. She talked to me for nearly an hour and then sent a huge packet with T when she dropped off the boys.

Friday, March 7th, 2008 our lives changed forever. T was supposed to show up at 10. She didn’t get here until close to 11. I was really starting to freak out. I remember sitting on BTB talking to Lauren waiting for them to arrive. I think my BTB sisters were as excited as I was. She finally shows up and knocks on the door “Are you Mrs. Eastman?” “Yes!” “I’m T and I have the boys with me.” It was at this point she unloaded the boys. Sam came in first “Are you my new Mommy? My Mommy Janet said we were getting a new mommy. Are you her?” (yes I melted and cried right then.) “Yes sweetheart, I am your new mommy.” About this time she brings in Landon and he’s not as excited to see me. He’s really snuggly with T. T hands him to me as she goes to unload a Walmart Super Center full of stuff into my living room. Did I mention how blessed my boys were? ;) I took the boys to show them their new room after they met Grammie. Mom set with them while we were filling out the paper work. We finished that and T left. She said she’d call me on Monday. I go back in the hallway where I immediately start to panic. This room that we had spent months preparing for our precious babies, was destroyed in less than 20 minutes. There wasn’t one toy in a box - everything was EVERYWHERE! Landon starts crying because he doesn’t know where he is. It’s at this point that I ask Mom what I’d gotten into. They gave me a couple hours before the bleeding started.

I don’t know how we survived the weekend. I thought for sure that they would kill me before it was over with. There was two of them…one of me… the odds weren’t pretty. Thanks to the help of Janet, we made it through. She talked to the boys a lot that weekend which helped calm Sam down. Then Sunday came… Rob and Janet brought another Walmart size shipment of everything under the sun into my living room. I remember thinking to myself “how do two little boys have so much stuff?” It seriously took me a week to get through it all.

We were finally able to get Sam into a good therapist, but not before we went through our share of bad ones. The first one we went to just let him play but didn’t interact with him at all. We’d waited months for this appointment and once we had it I left without another and “just call back when you feel like he needs to be seen.” I got out of there and called T “um, yeah this isn’t going to work.” So they set us up with an in home specialist that would be coming out once a week. He told me that he had never worked with children Sam’s age but we’d figure it out together. (Oh gee) He came for several weeks. He would sit on my couch and watch the boys play. So during this time I had to find things to do with the boys that would keep them entertained in the living room so that he could watch them. Problem, my boys looked at him as a jungle gym and wanted to climb all over him. He would tell me I was doing a good job and he didn’t know how to help me. (then will you kindly stop interrupting my week?) Did I mention the annoying little articles he would print out that had absolutely nothing useful in them? Yeah, we were back to square one again. Then we found Dr. E. She was the keeper! By this time both of them had calmed down a lot. She was able to give me tips and tricks to deal with phone calls from the birth parents.

Ah, yes, the birth parents! Did I mention they decided to be a part of their kids’ lives right after we got them? My kids had a total of 3-4 visits with them before they surrendered their rights (over the span of a year). We had weekly phone calls with them. Afterwards by boys acted like they did when they first got here. They were so mean to each other. They just couldn’t handle their security being disrupted again.

March 7th marked one year with our boys. It wasn’t until then that I could really look back and see how far we’ve come. We’ve had our ups and our downs. We sadly said goodbye to my mother (Grammie) right after Christmas. We had an awesome first Christmas together. I am so thankful she was here for it. December 28th we woke up. The boys played with and talked to Grammie while we all got ready for church. I talked to her for a while then got ready for church myself. We left and I called out to her as I always did “I love you Mama. I’ll see you when we get home from church.” We stopped to visit Aunt Flossie before we came home. I called Mom who didn’t answer not uncommon, but my heart sank after the second phone call. I flew home and John rushed in and told me that she was unconscious, but was breathing. He came out to get the boys out of the van and I rushed in. She wasn’t breathing. She was cold. We both started CPR and I called 911. They finally got here and worked on her for awhile before taking her to the hospital. John and the boys finally got to the hospital and we were taken to a room with my brother and were told she didn’t make it. That was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to go through as a person and as a family. Sam was so attached to his Grammie. She was his best friend. There was nowhere she could go that he wasn’t right there with her. We go to the grave yard often and take flowers when we go. I think it’s helped Sam. Landon will still ask to go the funeral home to see Grammie. That’s when it gets really hard. I gently hug him and tell him that Grammie’s body is in the grave but her spirit is in Heaven. He seems ok with that in the moment.
I never thought I would be here today having gone through the adoption that we both prayed for so long. They are legally mine now, but she’s not here to celebrate with. I can imagine the party that is going on in Heaven today, though. I know she’s up there watching over us and is smiling. I am so thankful to God for the blessings that this last year as brought me. If she can’t be here with me, I take comfort she is with my angel babies. I hope my kids will always remember their Grammie and how much she loved them!

April 2nd 2009, we adopted two of the most beautiful miracles. Sam and Landon became part of our forever ohana. I can’t believe it’s finally real. No one will come take them, they will really be here forever.